Stand Tall Poor Penguins And Don't Listen to those Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys!

I got an email from a long lost friend this morning: Mr. Farr (ok...not that Mr. Farr...instead it was the Farzad kind). Actually, it was not much of an email either ... it was really just a link to a website with the following two words "Volcano! NOT!". While it was great to hear back from my long lost friend...it raises the (not-so) important conversation of global warming...which of course, we should further explore here at the Cavitation ;-)

First, you really should read the article...as the author really-really-really wants you to believe that this is of great importance to YOU. After all, it removes ALL doubt on the debate of global warming...uh, kind-of-sort-of. But don't fret gas-guzzling chowda heads out there...I will make you feel better with just a simple wave of my magic "reasonable man wand".

To start lets hit a couple of the high notes of the Gerard Wynn-Alister Doyle article (a.k.a. GWAD...seriously you have to click on the link) :

1. The first word in the GWAD article is "Paris"...are you laughing yet. Insert favorite P.J. O’Rourke quotation here (which I know CherkyB will enjoy):

   "The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don’t know."

   ....enough said....oh wait please let me add one more...“cheese eating surrender monkeys"...ok, now I can move on.
   
2. The first ppg of the GWAD article is air-tight...

   "The world's top climate scientists said on Friday global warming was man-made"

   Wow, I guess we should all drive our vehicles in the ocean to make man-made coral reefs and start using bikes! Oh wait - we all must remember that the first paragraph is always written for those boobs who never get past the little words.....must...press....on...
   
3. Oops...there in the fourth ppg of the GWAD article...I am starting to sense a crack...

   "it was 'very likely' -- or more than 90 percent probable -- that human activities led by burning fossil fuels explained most of the warming in the past 50 years."

   Uh-oh, hold on...latst I checked 90% doth not equal 100%...but then again I have not taken any of the "new math" courses which apparently Kade and Payton will need to endure...
   
4. A little later:

   "Possible signs range from drought in Australia to record high winter temperatures in Europe."

   ...did anyone bother to ask Australia about this? Only 10 seconds with "The Google" resulted in the following statement from the Austarlian Government's Bureau of Metrology website "Drought is also part and parcel of life in Australia"...and oh by the way, the site then goes on to describe the other 6 major droughts in the past 100 years. Score one for GWAD. [Sidebar: Oh the irony. You see Mr. Farr lives in Minnesoter with a high temp of 0F over the next 3 days! And add to that, the fact that CO set a record low today in this continuing hellishly cold winter. Finally sprinkle on top a few whining NM and TX folk complaining about their measly foot of snow. OK, so lets give him the benefit of a doubt...maybe he has just taken too many of those Polish classes at UM-Duluth to see the freezing breath in front of his icicle ridden mustacio (no offense Swabowski's)]
5. We move on...later ppg:

   "February 2, 2007 may be remembered as the day the question mark was removed from whether (people) are to blame for climate change"

   ...does anyone else see the work MAY....confusion setting in...trying to understand how GWAD could have started so strong and ended up here... Then there are other strong statements further down like:

   "it is 'more likely than not' that greenhouse gases have made tropical cyclones more intense"

   ...powerful stuff.
   
6. And the best for last:
   

   " "Faced with this emergency, now is not the time for half measures. It is the time for a revolution, in the true sense of the term," French President Jacques Chirac said."

   I am not even going to go here...The French Leader calling for a revolution...good stuff indeed! Has the French Revolution been scrubbed from todays curriculum also?
   
7. The rest is pretty much just Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey drivel pointing out that the USofA is bad...very bad.
   

Now getting back to the "Volcano" reference. A looong time ago in the USofCA, Mr. Farr and I were sitting down at work over a large cup of joe (and maybe holding some cards in our hands...ala BIG-DOS!). We began discussing the vaunted topic of Global warming. After a lot of chatter it always came down to two things in my mind:

• First, a volcano eruption emits more greenhouse gases than all of mankind put together. Don't just take my word for it...even the crazy green Canucks agree:

  "A single violent volcanic eruption can rival or exceed mankind's ability to pump out greenhouse gases, according to Catherine Hickson, a volcanologist with the federal department of Natural Resources Canada in Vancouver."

• Second, a long time ago, in a reality far far away... there were these things called ice ages. They were not caused by greenhouse gases...but instead they were primarily caused by the wibbly-wobbly earth herself. For those of you who's only experience with the term ice age is in reference to the movie...let me jog you noggin. I guess the liberal-left has succeeded in stamping that out of most elementary school curriculum. Believe me, our kids will understand this with "crystal" clarity ;-)

Having said all that, I do think that we as individuals need to be more concerned about pollution seeing as no one really wants to walk around in a haze (well, I guess with the exception of JimmyH). I just get fed up by the GWADs of the world who have sold down the river of insanity and bought into the craze called "global warming" just to make a living. As I told my friend Mr. Farr...if you are serious about helping out, I would recommend that you find a way to stop the next volcano eruption. And for the GWADs of the world, who are paralyzed from the neck up, I would add a recommendation that they find their local active volcano and jump in seeing as their big heads would likely plug the biggest global warming threat for a while.

In parting, I promise to contemplate how I can best reduce pollution...as I bomb around in my 1996 Dodge pickup spewing coolant at a lean 12 MPG.......