Just your ordinary trip to the SSA

Let me preface this entry by saying that this one is for senor J.T. (yes, Mr. Kentucky Royalty). I really hope a lion or tiger has not gotten him yet...

Yesterday I finally made the trip that I have been dreading. I needed to head on down to the local Social Security Administration branch to apply for a SS#/card for Avery (you see, it is kind of hard to do your taxes without it...well, at least correctly - unlike our Treasury Secretary...). To start...I had to sit in the waiting area for a little over an hour. That was an experience in and of itself. A couple of observations. First, there was the obligatory Purell dispenser at the door - which nobody used despite being in the grips of the worst epidemic of ALL time. Second, there were two beautiful portrait pictures of both Obama and Biden staring at me - as if they were personally there to re-assure me that this would be an efficient government operation. Third, there were about 20 signs on the walls telling people NOT to use their cellphones for security reasons - apparently the Framingham SSA office is a prime terrorist target in the making. Fourth, there was not a single sign in just one language...they were all in English and Spanish....go figure, no Mandarin or French. Fifth, there was a really annoying Chubby Checker sign staring at me ... I am very glad I can share that one with you. Lastly, there were a LOT of loud Latino ladies in the waiting area jibber-jabbing in Spanish as we waited. Their conversations were really interesting. Mainly stemming around how they were here to "get their money". Lovely. One even went so far as to tell the others that she needed to get into a car wreck so she could "get her money"...too bad she didn't buy a Toyota huh. Hmmm...knowing Spanish does have it's uses after all ;-)

But the real meat of the matter was what happened next when I was finally beckoned by the almighty SSA agent. I am sure that they saw me and thought...trouble! You could see it in the ladies eyes...she had me pegged as one of those folks trying to game the system. Don't worry...I had had over an hour with Chubby and Obama 2.0 to prepare ... I was ready for the fight!! (cue theme music from The Good, Bad and the Ugly):

Agent: She opens with a challenge. A flat toned statement of "What do you want?".

R: "A social security card for my daughter. She was born overseas and so I need to get one issued"

Agent: "How old?"

R: "11 months."

Agent: "She doesn't have one already?"

R: "Nope."

Agent: "Birth certificate."

R: "Well, here is her CRIBA..."

Agent: quizzical look...slight head tilt...

R: "Her Consular Report of Birth Abroad..."

Agent: Looks at CRIBA..."This is a birth certificate."

R: "Uh...ok." (I was tempted to ask her if it was the same kind of birth certificate that the fine gentleman with his picture on the wall also possesses ... you know...Obama 2.0's...but I didn't dare up the ante too fast here...)

Agent: "I will need a form of identification for her."

R: "Sure - here is her passport."

Agent: "No sir, I need a valid form of identification."

R: "I am pretty sure that a passport is valid identification, ma'am."

Agent: "Don't you have something like an immunization record?"

R: "Huh? You are aware that a passport is proof of citizenship and allows you to enter this country right? That is why we needed to get her a passport - issued by the very same government you work for - so we could come back to the US. Are you confused by the fact that she has a passport and not a SS#? "

Agent: "Yes. Are you sure she does not have a SS# already?"

R: "I am sure. You see, the state department is not in the business of issuing social security numbers. They are pretty busy making sure that the good guys get to come to the country and the bad guys stay away. They were focused on the CRIBA and the passport. The rest is your job."

Agent: "hold on please"...she goes to the back to check with here superior...comes back..."ok sir, you are right. A passport is an acceptable form of identification."

R: "Good to know."

Agent: I think she is starting to pick-up on some sarcasm at this point. "Sir, now I need to see your identification."

R: "Sure...here is my passport." I am pretty sure that she detected my delight as she looked into the big ass grin on my face when I said that!

Agent: "Ok, everything looks in order this should just take a minute."

Personally, the ignorance I can look past. I mean...come'on. How many times are they ever confronted with a situation like mine...you know...the kind where everything is actually done right? Judging from the Latino ladies conversations...I am betting it is a pretty rare occurrence. The piece that really grated me the wrong way was the fact that an immunization record was considered valid proof of identification. Are you kidding me? I am pretty sure I have a suggestion for my new state Senator...Senor Brown...maybe we should take a closer look at how easy it is to get on the Social Security gravy train???

Gotta love the good old SSA!